16. Masala Dosa and Marriage proposal

 In  most of our Indian households, once a young boy  gets his first  degree and gets a  reasonably good job, parents  immediately think of getting him married. As soon as I passed out B.Sc. Engg from TKMCE, I got a job in TKMCE itself and after almost a year  joined REC Calicut. As usual, my relatives were sounding me about marriage. But I had informed my father and brother (who made me what I am) that I am not planning to get entangled in marriage immediately. My primary reason for joining teaching profession was to go for higher studies as soon as possible. As we had our younger brothers to be brought up, I had to share the responsibility with my brother by supporting them financially. I never had an intention to enjoy life as a listless free bird. Somehow, I was of the strong opinion that higher studies with family and children will be difficult and wanted to postpone it as much as possible. However, in life, often things do not happen as you wish.

Just to illustrate what happens after marriage with many people, in a lighter vein, here is a small story written by my brother who was a Malayalam writer reasonably well known. (Prof.K.P.Sasidharan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K._P._Sasidharan)

It was in a crowded train, a person in shabby clothes was giving a speech with lot of sarcasm in his voice “ Who said Adi Sankaran climbed the Sarvajna peedha (the throne of ultimate wisdom) , no, he never did that”

Knowing fully well that this guy is not normal, but harmless, someone encouraged him “Why, we all know Sankaran did climb that highest stage of learning, but why do you say No?”

Our speaker continued: Have you not heard? Sankaran in the process of reaching the highest abode of learning defeated several stalwarts in the process and finally reached an expert called Madan Mishra. Madan Mishra  was an expert in Hindu rituals and believed that the most important thing in Hinduism is the rituals. Anyway, they decided on a date for the argument and Mishra’s wife who herself was highly knowledgeable was chosen as the referee. The argument on various aspects continued for days and after full two weeks, finally Mishra conceded defeat and Sankaran was to be declared as winner. However before declaring the result, Mrs Mishra  asked Sankaran “ What do you know about sex ? Unless you know about that you cannot ascend the throne of wisdom.”   Sankaran had taken a vow to  a lifelong celibacy (brahmachaari) did not ever enjoy or even think of sex  in his whole life. He said he will come back after knowing what sex is. Our speaker continued, Adi Sankaran  went to a prostitute and started enjoying what he never had a chance to and never returned to  climb the throne of wisdom. Jokingly he added  Sankaran was seen later after five years selling some of his old palm leaf books for purchasing medicine for his third child !  Ha  Ha  Ha. He concluded.  ( Forgive me, the  true devotees of Adi Sankaran. What happened really was this.   Borrowing  two weeks’ time from Mrs.Mishra,  Sankaran entered the  dead body of a young king because  of his  capability of parakaaya pravesha (soul entering someone else’s body) and lived a few days  with the queen and enjoyed  divine sex so that he could understand everything  in a few days and returned to Mrs.Mishra, explained everything  and  usurped the throne of wisdom). The half lunatic was trying to establish that anyone who is caught in the clutches of a miserable family life could not do anything significant  or worthwhile as he will have  no time other than working and taking care of family.

Coming back to ‘my story’, as I was strongly opposing wedding in the near future, a proposal came up from a distant uncle of mine from our own native place about his daughter. Even though she was not my first cousin, she belonged to our family tree and was third or fourth cousin. My father and brother were happy about the proposal and wanted me to accept the proposal, if possible. As I had opposed the very idea of marriage, they were reluctant to tell me outright. But I came to know this from one of my sisters who was close friend to the girl in question.

Suddenly, on a Sunday early morning, this Uncle appeared in front of my room in E hostel (where I was living as resident warden) without any notice. I was really taken aback, but politely allowed him to take rest and after taking bath and dressed up went to the D Mess for breakfast. On Sundays, D Mess was serving masala dosa and as usual for getting hot dosa, we had to wait at the dining table for some time. Then, uncle started asking. How are things here, how is your  life etc and finally asked what is your plan for marriage. I repeated my old story about higher studies and all. Then as dosa was getting  delayed further he asked “Do you  like  my daughter?”. I was again surprised. I had known the girl from our child hood even though we may not have met privately except in her house I knew her to be  simple, elegant and good looking and no one will say NO to this question. While I was not giving a direct answer to his question, he shot the next question: “Why don’t you marry her?” Again, I started talking about higher studies and now I was losing my ground as I knew I was not convincing enough  in my explanation. I  said “ I can marry her, but after completing my higher studies only”. Then he said  “ Can you not go for higher studies after marriage?” He added, if money is the problem, he can help me, as he was financially better off than our family. By this time, our hot and tasty masala dosa had come to our table while he was explaining the worry of parents of girls of marriageable age and so on. Finally, either brain washed by his eloquence or the eagerness to eat the crisp dosa, I said in a weak moment “OK, I will think about it”. That answer was sufficient for him as it was almost an acceptance and as soon as we completed eating dosa and taking a cup of hot coffee, he decided to leave immediately, probably before I changed my half-hearted decision.  

Thus, I agreed to marry a third cousin of mine in December 1969, just a few months after joining REC Calicut. I had joined REC in September and as per rules, I had only 6 days of casual leave and I had already exhausted 4 ½ days out of it, with the result that I had just one and a half days leave left for my marriage. As my brother and family were living in Palakkad, I went over there taking a one and a half day’s leave on a Thursday afternoon, the wedding was being solemnised at Guruvayur on Saturday. Along with my brother and family I reached Guruvayur in the morning. My father,  her parents  and relatives from both sides together took a luxury bus from our place and had reached Guruvayur in the early morning.

During those days, marriages were held inside the temple and there was a  big crowd  waiting in queue as many marriages were being held every day. There were occasions in which even brides and bridegrooms got mixed up. Fortunately, as we knew the families well, nothing untoward happened   except that it was  difficult for my friends and relatives to see when we were exchanging  the sacred garlands blessed by Lord Guruvayurappan. From Kozhikode (REC)  colleagues like  Bharathan Sir, Vasu, Raghurami Reddy, Keshava Kaimal, Ramalingam, K E Joseph, M S Isaac , my friend in E Hostel and final year student Sudhakara Menon  were all present . As  non-Hindus are  not allowed inside the temple, we had given strict instructions to call Joseph as Raman and Isac as Krishnan  as there was a fine of Rs.5000/ for special cleaning rituals  if a non-Hindu is known to have  entered the temple.  As shirt and pants were not allowed   inside the temple, all of them had managed to wear dhoti and a nice towel to cover their body. Two friends from TKMCE who volunteered to come were S Muraleedharan Pillai (Pala) and K Muraleedharan (Mavelikkara). I was very happy to see many of my recent colleagues and old friends for the most important event in my life.

After the marriage, we started to Palakkad in an Ambassador car along with my brother and his wife and reached our residence by 5 PM. My wife had some sickness while travelling and without any  hesitation, she was sleeping on my shoulders during the trip. We were both very tired after reaching home. Next day, my brother had arranged a tea party for his colleagues and friends in Govt Victoria College and we had just one Sunday for ourselves to get to know each other. On Monday early morning I started by bus to Calicut and as the bus broke down on the way, I could reach REC only by 1230 PM as the morning session was just concluded. As it was not proper to sign so late in the forenoon, I met Prof Charlu and explained why I was so late for duty. Fortunately, he did not scold me, but allowed me to sign in the attendance register avoiding a service break early in my career for unauthorised absence, as I had no leave left in my account even for half a day. My wife and myself actually spent some time together only in the next week end and finally when we had ten days of leave during Christmas holidays.  That was my story of getting married taking just one day’s casual leave with the blessings of Lord Guruvayurappan.